Why Knowing Someone’s Name And Using It Matters

Learn People’s Names And Use Them To Build Better Professional Relationships

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Hi this is John with this week’s Developing Skills - Skills for Developers looking to develop their careers.

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Tip of The Week: Learn People’s Names And Use Them To Build Better Professional Relationships

Our names are an integral part of our identity. They matter to us. A lot. Why? Because our name is one of the first words that we learned as babies, and our parents often share with pride the reason for our names.

So, when someone uses our name, we register it. It triggers a response from us because, our whole lives we’ve been conditioned to recognise and respond to it.

And if we’ve chosen to use another name, be that a nickname or an shortened version of our name, that’s just as important to us, because we’ve chosen it.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. — Dale Carnegie

When other people remember and use our names correctly, it sends a clear message: they have paid attention to us. It makes us feel valued. It makes us feel seen. It makes us feel as though we’ve made enough of an impression to be memorable.

That in turn makes it easier for us to relax, to connect, and feel more comfortable in our relationship with them. We tend to have a favourable opinion of the person who has remembered our name, and that just makes communication flow.

When people forget our name, mispronounce it, or intentionally address us using the wrong name, the message is very different. We feel dismissed, disrespected, that we’re not important enough for someone to make the effort. We tune out. We think less of the person abusing our name.

And not knowing someones name sends and even stronger message, particularly if they are subordinate to you.

So, learn people’s names and use them when you speak to them, they’ll like you more and you’ll build better, stronger relationships.

Simple right? Well, no, not always.

Sometimes we are afraid to ask someone their name. Sometimes we worry that it’ll be inappropriate, sometimes we worry that we’re intruding and sometimes we’re just embarrassed to admit we don’t know it.

None of these reasons are good reasons not to learn someone’s name, so keep it simple and use one of these three ways to ask:

1. Hi, I’m John, what’s your name?

2. Could you tell me your name place?

3. I’d love to be able to address you by name please?

Keep it simple. No one will be offended by you asking for their name.

Sometimes we believe we’re not very good at remembering names. If that’s the case, create a system to ensure you remember them. You’re an engineer, it’s a problem for you to solve, not ignore.

To get you started, here are three tips you can use to help you remember someone’s name:

1. Use your phone to make a note or write it down: You can then refer back to your notes to remind yourself, repeating this will ensure you remember it.

2. If you’re at work, check the org chart: Use it remind yourself - often you’ll be able to see their name, photo and some context, which can help you remember.

3. Repetition, repetition, repetition: Repeating their name (quietly to yourself) helps you remember.

Sometimes we struggle to pronounce people’s names or don’t even know how to. In that cases here are three tips to ensure you are correctly pronouncing someone’s name:

1. When they tell you their name, repeat it: This will help you remember everyone’s names as well as the pronunciation of them.

2. When you don’t know, just ask: Then repeat their name a few times. When people see that you’re committed to getting it right, they will appreciate the effort more than they’ll mind minor errors.

3. If you can’t ask, search online: YouTube is full of videos that cover the pronunciation of names. It’s that important people have realised there’s a lot of value in creating these videos. There are plenty of websites that will let you enter the name too.

It’s worth repeating: remembering and using people’s names is one of the simplest ways to make a positive impact on a person’s perception of you.

On that note, Hi, I’m John, what’s your name? Hit reply and let me know. I’d also love to know how I can help you advance your career in tech. Send me your questions and I’ll answer them in future newsletters.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards, John

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