Great tips, John! Listening is key. As soon as we hear something we disagree with, we tend to think about ways to negate that feedback instead of listening to the rest of it. Always listen carefully 🤝
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I'm going to quote you on that. That's good! I liked this post. I recently tried to write about the experiences of dealing with people who give their opinions without being asked, but I like your bullet points for staying positive about the negative feelings of criticism.
People usually talk about giving feedback, but accepting it is also a critical skill for a developer. I often see people get defensive and try to justify why the feedback is wrong. You nicely outlined a working approach - especially the last part, about assuming good intentions and thanking them for the feedback.
For me, once I give someone who is not a direct report feedback, and they don't accept it well, there is a high chance I won't do that anymore.
- The PM or my manager. How they work affects me in a direct way, and even if they don't ask for the feedback, I believe they know what I think. It happened to me that a PM just didn't accept anything I had to say, and our relationship deteriorated quickly.
- Other team leaders or developers I worked with on a temp basis. Honestly, I sometimes give unsolicited feedback, as I tend to say what is on my mind. In the cases people don't react to it well, I stop doing it.
Great tips, John! Listening is key. As soon as we hear something we disagree with, we tend to think about ways to negate that feedback instead of listening to the rest of it. Always listen carefully 🤝
Absolutely - listen to understand rather than to respond.
Ask for specific examples to support the feedback
you cannot come to an agreement on "I feel like from time to time oyu are lazy and don't care" 😅
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I'm going to quote you on that. That's good! I liked this post. I recently tried to write about the experiences of dealing with people who give their opinions without being asked, but I like your bullet points for staying positive about the negative feelings of criticism.
https://dweversole.substack.com/p/the-seagull-an-uninvited-guest
Thanks, not my quote so I can't take credit. It's usually credited to Eleanor Roosevelt.
People usually talk about giving feedback, but accepting it is also a critical skill for a developer. I often see people get defensive and try to justify why the feedback is wrong. You nicely outlined a working approach - especially the last part, about assuming good intentions and thanking them for the feedback.
For me, once I give someone who is not a direct report feedback, and they don't accept it well, there is a high chance I won't do that anymore.
Just curious, why do you offer it if they're not a direct report?
Is it solicited?
There are main 2 cases:
- The PM or my manager. How they work affects me in a direct way, and even if they don't ask for the feedback, I believe they know what I think. It happened to me that a PM just didn't accept anything I had to say, and our relationship deteriorated quickly.
- Other team leaders or developers I worked with on a temp basis. Honestly, I sometimes give unsolicited feedback, as I tend to say what is on my mind. In the cases people don't react to it well, I stop doing it.