12 Ways To Tell If You’re A Difficult Engineer (And What To Do About It)

I know you don’t want to be a difficult software engineer. I know you find it at least as stressful as other people do working with you.

Welcome!

Hi this is John with this week’s Developing Skills - Skills for Developers looking to develop their careers.

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Tip of The Week: Figure Out If You Are The Problem And Fix It

One of the things that attracted me to software engineering was the idea that I could write code all day and not have to deal with people.

The reality is we have to deal with people and it’s a lot easier for them and a lot less stressful for us if we’re not difficult to deal with. It’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way.

12 Ways To Tell If You’re A Difficult Software Engineer

1. Your manager tells you you are - It’s the most obvious indicator and it comes in two versions: your manager finds you difficult to deal with or other people have complained to your manager that you’re difficult to work with.

2. You are continually challenging or correcting everyone - You challenge every decision and correct everything you perceive to be wrong believing that no one else is ever right.

3. People are nervous or guarded around you - People change, becoming quieter, more guarded and seem to be walking on eggshells around you, they might be afraid of how you’re going to behave.

4. You view people asking you questions as an annoying distraction - When people ask you questions you’re short with them or even ignore them, keeping your back to them and hands on your keyboard or your camera off and you keep coding during a call.

5. You think your technical skills make you better/more important than other people - People can tell when you think highly of yourself, they recognise when you’re too proud and unwilling to work with them.

6. People problems follow you around -If you find you’re suffering constant friction wherever you work, then you might be the problem. As the saying goes, where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

7. You expect other people to accept you for who you are and deal with it - Instead of taking responsibility for your own shortcomings and actions you expect other people to accept the way you are. It’s their problem for not being able to handle that you’re blunt and/or direct.

8. You blame others when things go wrong - You never admit your mistakes and always blame others when something goes wrong.

9. You prefer to work alone/other people slow you down - Whenever possible you work alone and you make it clear collaborating with others is a chore.

10. You always complain, yet rarely offer solutions - You complain about everything, always seeing the worst, yet you never suggest solutions.

11. You take all the credit - When things go well, you take the credit for it all. Everything was built off the excellent work you did alone.

12. You hoard knowledge - You’re reluctant to share knowledge with other people and you make it hard to the rest of the team to understand your work.

If more than one of these applies to you, you may well be a difficult engineer. Changing just a little will make your life better.

What To Do If You Are A Difficult Software Engineer

Here are my top 12 tips if you want to change:

1. Decide to change - Actually decide to change and make a commitment to it. It’s going to take time and it won’t be easy. You’ll have to be humble and you’ll probably need help. Only you can decide to do it.

2. Ask your manager for specific feedback and help - If you believe your manager is or would be genuinely interested in helping ask them for help. Start with specific feedback on what you did, why it wasn’t good and how you can change for the better.

3. Ask for a mentor or coach - If you’re not comfortable working with your manager, perhaps the relationship isn’t good enough, ask HR or another manager for a mentor or coach. If the business can’t find one internally, find your own outside the business.

4. Make sure your coach/mentor is going to model the right behaviours - Don’t pick Linus or some other famous, and perhaps famously difficult engineer as your mentor. Find someone who can empathise with you and also model the right behaviour.

5. Take responsibility for your actions, your behaviour and your mistakes - stop blaming others. Own what you do. Own responsibility for the change too.

6. Be humble - Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. Ask questions and try to understand other people’s ideas, find some common ground on which you can build.

7. Before criticising or correcting ask yourself these three questions:

   1. Does this need to be said?

   2. Does this need to be said by me?

   3. Does this need to be said by me now?

   If the answer to any of those questions is no, keep quiet.

8. Count to 10 before responding - give yourself time to process, resist the temptation to respond on impulse.

9. Encourage others to share their ideas - Let them speak up and ask them to share. Be curious. Often if they are wrong you can lead them to discovering that for themselves by asking questions.

10. Share your knowledge - You might think hoarding knowledge makes people think you are an expert. The reality is you will be perceived as more of an expert when you share your knowledge freely.

11. Focus on solutions not problems - Make a commitment to yourself that you won’t raise a problem without a solution.

12. Give credit generously - You’ll get more credit for what you did and bonus credit for sharing.

I know that it’s far easier to point out what you should do than it is to do it. These 12 tips aren’t going to cause a miraculous change overnight. They are the start of a journey. It will take time to make a change and to replace existing habits with new ones.

I know, I’ve been there, it takes time. The key is to decide to change and start.

If you’re struggling hit reply and tell me more, or reach out to me on LinkedIn.

John