Get To Know People

They're people too! Getting to know them will make your work much more enjoyable and productive.

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Hi this is John with this week’s Developing Skills - Skills for Developers looking to develop their careers.

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Tip of The Week: Get To Know People

That’s odd. I have a new message from someone at the organisation I left last week. Why he is messaging me? We’d hardly talked before and when we did it had been quite transactional.

I looked at the message: “Hey John, I hear you’re into powerlifting?”

“Yes”, I wrote back: “I’ve not competed recently. I tore my quad a couple of months ago”

“Sorry to hear that. I’ve just started powerlifting a couple of months ago. I’m loving the training and hoping to compete in the next six months”, he replied.

We then proceeded to have a long chat about powerlifting, lifting weights and training in general. By far the longest conversation we’d had, despite working together on the same project for the previous two years. We’re still in contact and chat occasionally, which is great, but it would have been so much better to have had the good relationship when we worked together.

So why didn’t we?

It’s simple, neither of us had made the effort to get to know each other. There are several reasonable reasons why we didn’t and one good reason why we should have. It would have been a rewarding relationship - we shared a common interest in powerlifting - and a good relationship with people always makes it easier to work with people.

So don’t make our mistake, get to know the people you work with.

Don’t forget to include those who are remote (including in a different office or timezone) and those who are in different roles or departments.

Here’s how you can get to know your colleagues.

Take every opportunity to get to know people:

• Be early to meetings and use the time to chat to people socially.

• Arrange coffee chats - reach out to people in your team and across your organisation and schedule a 15 to 30 minute chat with them. Be clear in the invite why you’re asking. Make it easy for them to accept or decline to fit their schedule.

• Chat to people in the break room / kitchen if you’re in the office.

Be available for other people:

• Sign up for your organisation’s coffee chat rota if they have one. If not why not volunteer to organise one?

• Be open and approachable when you present yourself to others.

• Take lunch with your team and those adjacent to them. Don’t avoid social time with your colleagues.

How to build a relationship with them (and really get to know who they are):

• Find out about them:

  • Ask them questions. Be interested in them, their likes, interests, hobbies.

  • Listen actively - ask open ended questions that follow up on what they say.

  • Remember what they tell you, so you can follow up the conversation next time you talk.

• Give them a platform to share their passion. Everyone loves having someone listen to what they care about.

• Talk to them 121, not in a group. It makes it easier for them to open up and for you to give then your full attention.

• Listen more than you talk.

Be likeable:

• Smile - at least occasionally. If you always look grumpy and miserable people will avoid talking to you. Trust me, I’ve made this mistake!

• Be supportive - if you’re putting people down they’re obviously going to like you less than if you’re building them up.

• Be appreciative - thank people for their help or their contribution. Praise publicly.

• Be helpful - we all appreciate those who help us.

If you’re still wondering how we did end up getting to know each other, it’s because another colleague got to know us both and when he learned of our common interest he made the connection.

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