Are You The Problem?
Are You The Problem?
It’s easy to think of examples of difficult people that we’ve worked with. It’s harder to honestly answer the question: am I the problem?
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Hi this is John with this week’s Developing Skills - Skills for Developers looking to develop their careers.
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Tip of The Week: Are You The Problem?
In the first three years of my career I changed roles several times. In each role I was frustrated. Why was I constantly surrounded by such stupid, incompetent people?
Any why were they always so damn sensitive?
Why couldn’t they just accept they were wrong, when I demonstrated that they were, without getting upset? If they didn’t like being wrong the solution was simple. Learn enough about their job, so that in future, they’re not wrong!
Then I started my first business and found I had some of the same problems with customers.
Then I started to see the pattern.
The commonality.
It was me.
It’s easy to think of examples of difficult engineers or managers that we’ve worked with. It’s harder to be honest with ourselves and answer the question: am I the problem?
Because sometimes we are. If you’re not sure, here’s a short list to help you decide.
11 Signs That You Are The Problem
Individually these signs might not be conclusive, but if several apply, consider that you might be the problem and think about what you can do to address the specific issues.
People problems follow you around. You’re always experiencing problems with difficult people even when the team, department or organisation changes, then you might be the problem.
People are nervous around you. People tread cautiously around you for fear of invoking your wrath, or receiving criticism
You’re given clear specific feedback from your manager that you need to work on your soft skills. This should include specific examples of the issues; what happened, when it happened and how you could improve. If not, ask politely for them.
You’re not aware of the impact you are having on other people. You lack the self-awareness to realise the impact you are having on the people you work with.
You constantly disagree with everyone. You think everyone else is wrong and you challenge every decision that is made. If you’re always at odds with every idea and decision that is discussed or made, you’re probably in the wrong at least some of the time. If you’re forceful about it others may dread working with you.
You have poor interpersonal communication skills. You use a lot of “you” language, for example: “you are…”, “you should…”, “you need to…”, or “you have to…”. You may use expressions that generalise a person’s character or behaviour in a negative way, for example using words such as: “always,” “never,” “again,” “so,” “every time,” “such a,” and “everyone.”
You view questions from other people as annoying distractions. It’s always clear from someone’s body language when they don’t want to talk to people.
You think you’re better or more important than others because you believe you have better technical skills. You think your technical abilities are superior to other peoples and that sets you apart as better and/or more important.
You let your emotions colour your response. You respond emotionally, showing frustration, anger or other strong, negative emotions when dealing with people.
You expect people to deal with your shortcomings. Instead of taking responsibility for your own actions and changing your behaviour, you believe everyone else should change to accommodate you.
You don’t show appreciation. You miss opportunities to praise your colleague and/or fail to thank them for their help.
When you’re considering these points, assume you’re biassed. Get a second opinion if there is any possibility that it is you. If you’re not sure how to ask, use these points to start the conversation.
If you think you might be the problem and want some free advice on what to do, please hit reply to email me and share your story with me (I’ll keep it private).
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Become a Better Software Developer by Building Your Own Redis Server (Python Edition) which guides you through solving the Redis Coding Challenge in Python.
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